It was a short, dark day of January’s bitter winter. The type of day where you wonder who made January the start of the New Year, when spring undoubtedly is the much better choice to welcome in new.
It came across loud and clear, a knowing that shows up when the mind is absent of chatter. A rare form but the opportunity was seized. “It is time to sell the house”
I froze. In that moment I was not open to suggestion or anything other than what I had planned. Yes, our futile attempt at control, where we plan all the ins and outs.
My “plan” was to wait 4 more years, until my son was 18 before I even considered the thought of moving, selling my home and eventually, bringing a dream of a mini ranch and retreat center to life. Grief and confusion filled me.
“I can’t leave him” (Emotional spiral ensues)
“I don’t want to sell and continue to live in a town I hate, waiting for my son. At least I love my home. I can wait in my home”
And I shelved it. I voiced out loud to a few what I had received but that was as far as I was willing to tread.
I ignored it for some time. It was there, always. It didn’t change or go away. It was just there, waiting for me to release my perceived control and just listen.
I finally listened in late April.
An email arrived with for sale properties into my inbox. I often see these emails and just roll my eyes because it is always about Arkansas and then I usually delete. Not this day. This day I opened it.
The presented property literally took my breath away. It was EVERYTHING I had dreamt about and called into my prayers of manifestation. Down to the fruit trees. I was in awe for a full 30 min. Daydreaming, imagining. Walking the property. Imagining how my furniture would fit in the adorable bungalow. To me, in that moment, this was THE one. This property was located in far North California, an area I had visited several times and adored, and until that moment, had never considered living.
And it hit me, to the point of catching my breath and making me freeze. I was ready to go and that meant releasing my plan of 4 more years. It meant leaving my son here with his dad, his sports, his buddies, (with an open invitation for him to come, should he choose, of course). I broke down. I let the unwinding take place in my body. The shaking, the tears. As quickly as it came on, it stopped. All was calm. Peaceful. The pounding of my heart told me, I was ready.
I reminded myself I didn’t have to figure it all out in this moment. I had opened myself to possibility. That could be enough for one day. I let it be just that.
The unfolding has begun
