When you step into a big dream, fully committed, one of the hardest things can be to keep those voices of doubt to a minimum. To not let them win every day.
From the beginning, I really trusted this vision, in a way and depth I had experienced only once before. And with that, some old patterns and disbelief I could make this happen, would surface time to time.
A big piece that reared its ugly head was rejection….
“I’m self employed, they’ll say I don’t make enough and my dream won’t come together.”
“What if my house won’t sell”
Fear of rejection, by nature, can make anyone freeze in their tracks and retreat into “it’s just how it is for me”
So I came up with a way to interrupt these old stories. I began to tell myself
“Today, we are gathering information”
“Today, it is only information”
I called it “my hard thing for the day”. I often turned to my supportive community of family, chosen and otherwise, for encouragement and love. Within that, looking to the ones who were honest, yet unwaveringly supportive for the big things. There was no space for the nay-sayers, those who doubted, or projected their own unresolved issues onto my dream.
My texts would often start with “todays hard thing was…”
Sometimes it would be calling the county in CA and asking permitting questions. Or getting information from a realtor. Sometimes it would be processing the future conversations I would have with my kiddos. The processes of packing up a home I had been on for 13 years. And some days, it was just sitting with the reality I was about to uproot my entire life.
Either way, just about every day, it was a hard thing.
Everyone I had met so far in this journey, were incredibly friendly and helpful. Complete strangers excited about my dreams.
I began to just declare it
“I’m moving to create a healing ranch and mini retreat center“,
When people in passing would ask how my day was, I began to respond with
“oh, just changing my life”
More and more I put it out there.
I noticed a pattern within this fear of rejection, a way I would try and “plan” any and all ways something could/couldn’t work out. And I let that go. I wholeheartedly let it go and really embraced
“Today, I’m just asking questions”
“Today I’m gaining clarity”
I found my nervous system calming and what might have been a “no”, became “what are other ways we can make this happen”. Even exchanges with people were more relaxed, friendly even. I received a lot more “here, let me get you in touch with this person” or “have you thought of this avenue”
I found (because there were still choppy days) that when I strayed from my calm or my methods, things would feel forced and things would easily get derailed. I quickly could see it, and get back on track.
“Slow and steady wins the race”
Became an internal chant, as I grabbed up more knowledge, took time to be thoughtful and methodical in my steps.
I had extreme moments of clarity and ease as I continued to gather information. I bought a journal specifically for dreams of this new land. I wrote, sketched, gave word to what I envisioned. I even began to take some classes, watched documentaries to learn about working with land, bees, gardening. At night, I played supportive subliminal videos… because why not? We so often look at healing as what we need to get rid of, but what about building up?
The reality of it all was becoming more and more palpable.
And it all started with doing one hard thing
